Blogging for the new year.

Today is December 31, 2007, it’s a Monday and I woke up at 7:30AM. I must say that I feel particularly different about this new year, different than I’ve ever felt. Over the past two days, especially yesterday after hitting up Dr. Fredrick K. C. Price’s church with Elliott, I had an intense urge for solitude. I was slightly torn because I feel like I have a commitment to the guys (rockstar, big love, and bradly) to stay engaged and interact with them during this road trip. At the same time, I feel an unprecedented desire to plan, reflect, and consider. This morning rockstar and I woke up early and headed to the beach. It was a the nicest of mornings, the weather was perfect, the beach was virtually empty, except the dedicated surfers out catching the occasional ridable waves, and the sky was blue. (At least as blue as it can be in Los Angeles) I’ve been dealing with two major issues this year in my personal life: the Sovereignty of God, and change. The first, which I started blogging on before, is something that goes hand in hand with the second.

As we sat on the beach, eating our bagels and drinking our respective favorite Starbucks concoctions and talking; the topic of our futures and the current moment and places in our lives saturated the conversation.

I can’t help feeling like so much has happened this year. As I sit here now in our room, big love, rockstar and I, all blogging while bradly is fighting off his cold, I can’t help but seeing a year full of very high highs and heart wrenching lows. The roller coaster of events, I could not have predicted in my most wildest of imaginations; not just me, but even within the “circle of trust” that I consider those dearest to me, we were all taken for a ride. ... For the first time in my life as I look at this past year, I can say that I feel a sense of movement. My first choice of words was “accomplishment” but I’m a bit hesitant because I don’t know that I feel like I’ve necessarily accomplished anything. But I am quite certain that I have started. For those of you who know me, I’ve always been the mover and shaker. Always doing, moving, working. Isn’t it strange that with everything I’ve done and always seem to be doing, that everything we all seem to be doing, so often we don’t make any headway, no achievement, no advance. We seem to accomplish so many things and yet can’t say that we’ve made any progress of worth. 2007, while by many standards I haven’t accomplished much if anything, I feel like I’ve made movement.

The second area I’m dealing with, change, is the area in which I see the most movement. I’ve been dealing with a lot of change this year. Applying to law schools, two and a half months in DC, mending broken friendships, changes in family, four months in Korea, and immense change within the “circle of trust.” I can’t say exactly when I started feeling it, but it seems like one day I looked up and there it was: CHANGE. As rockstar and I were talking at the beach, we couldn’t help but chuckle at some of the situations we’ve been involved in this past year, and while many were and are still very difficult to close, they seem to be necessary to teach us. For me, the biggest lesson I learned this year, might be simply: I need to change. I wish I could say that many years ago I had this realization, but I can’t. No, it was only in the past 12 months, through a number of unpredictable events that I found myself accepting of, perhaps even longing to be changed. Having just realized this at the age of nearly 27 (or 28 if if we’re discussing my Korean age) I realize I have so far to go, and while my movement in 2007 has been measurable the distance that lies ahead seems just the opposite.

Another first, I can say with all certainty, that I am uncertain of what 2008 holds for me. And at the same time, I am more confident of 2008 than I have ever been of any upcoming year. The “ifs” of 2008 seem daunting so I’ll begin this new year with one of my resolutions and areas of development... WORRY LESS, TRUST MORE...

Happy New Year... God Bless

Where do I start? Well after posting the last six or so blogs in a span of 20 hours or so, it feels like I’m behind the curve. So quite a bit has happened since Monday when I arrived. I’ve met quite a few new friends through the i-House (Yonsei’s International Dorm) and feel like I’ve completed half first mission: meet enough foreign friends that I have a support system, the other half being to not have so many foreign friends or not hang out with them so much that I use them as a crutch or excuse not to fully immerse myself in Korea. The second part of this goal came swiftly and with what I can only describe as divine intervention! :D To make a crazy long story short, this afternoon I moved into a boarding house in the middle of shin-chon. It ca be best described as "in the action" I'm on the fourth floor and have my own room. (see pics below)

 Seeing as I tend to be an early riser anyways, I feel like I'm going to have plenty of time read and do my usual "thinking" in the mornings.

Something I haven't seen yet: joggers?

So it’s 1:36am right now, Phoenix time (5:36pm Seoul time). It’s weird that I have to clarify that. I’ll be on a plane in 18 hours beginning the first leg of my journey to Korea. I’ve been slightly concerned over the past couple of days that I haven’t felt nervous or even anxious about going to Korea. Looking back, I can’t say that I’ve felt much of anything regarding Korea.

Tonight several of my best friends came over to wish me off. It was a good night filled with memories, laughing, a bit of Buck’s Pizza (of course!) poker, cigars and adult beverages. As always rockstar let me win during poker but hey, I’ll take all the freebees he gives me. Lord knows I’ve lost enough money to him over the months.

After poker several of us went outside and chatted it up while smoking some of the best cigars on the planet. (The Edge ~Patel) It wasn’t until everyone was leaving that I finally started to feel a bit anxious about leaving later today. I thought back to earlier today when rockstar and I were talking about a mutual friend of ours, and how she moved across the country without a support system and now can’t wait to come home. I guess I’ve never thought about not having a support system in k-town. Hmmm, I suppose I figured I could always call, that there’d always be an open ear if I needed anything.

It’s been almost a month since I left DC, feels like yesterday. I still keep in touch with several of the friends and I can’t wait to see them all for New Years. And yet I can’t help but think that so much can change over the coming months. I notice that I hold on to moments. Perhaps we all do? But when I look back at DC and even tonight my mind captures freeze frames, I can see the picture, hear the sounds, feel the emotions of the moment. I suppose my biggest concern (if any) about going away is that those snapshots will not be an accurate representation of how things will be when I get back…

All in all, I’m glad to travel, I embrace the opportunity to become an “international man of mystery” ☺ or as Steph put it: “secret asian man!” And while I know there’s a chance that my snapshots will not be true to me, the optimist whispers of the greater memories that will be forged when we are able to go our separate ways for a season and come back to each other, cultured, developed, tested, and triumphant in our individual battles and can celebrate our victories together…

So I'm at work right now, writing this little note. I was going to wait until I got home in an hour or so, but I wanted to write it "in the moment."

I'm sure many have heard the adage "…the only thing constant is change…" I think the most amazing thing about change is that most of the time we don't realize it's going on. We see ourselves a particular way, in our mind's eye. We feel we look a particular way, act a particular.. and then one day something happens that prods us to take a moment and revisit ourselves. Now whether such an event is life changing, like the passing on of a dear friend, or something small like an email from a loved one, they can both significant.

I received an email from my mom today… actually about 20 mins ago. It was simple, maybe two sentences, I was skimming it while listening to music, chatting with a co-worker and making a telephone call… and in all that, time froze. For a simple moment, I didn't know what to do, emotions welled up inside and I actually started to tear up. This was my moment for reflection…

I had a friend ask me a week or so ago whether I saw her as much younger than myself… and by "younger" she meant in some derogatory way. Initially I shrugged and said no. However, that question has played through my mind countless times since then. I find myself asking "what makes me different than the person that's 4 or 6 or even 8 years younger?" My initial answer is simple.. because I'm older.
But deep down, what's the separation? Wisdom? Life experiences? Perhaps it's this time of reflection? While I can't speak generally I'll speak for myself for a bit.

I think something that separates me, at least partially, is knowing that I'm not perfect, and I'll never be. I know that's a shock to many, it was to me. I am okay that I'm not perfect… And humility begins when we realize that there is so much greater than myself… and that the significance of our loved ones is greater than our own. Maybe the biggest difference is simply the amount of time I spend reflecting… I want to know that I'm growing in a significant measurable way… I want to deposit significantly into those that need it most; whether significantly means sharing with and comforting a friend, buying a meal, or simply saying God Bless.

(sigh) I think more than anything, the biggest change in my own life, is that I am slowly beginning to get a glimpse of the power of simple words. Love, Friend, Humility, Thank you, Confidence, Hero… and while it wasn't always the case.. I am in increasingly in amazement at the thought of my parents. While not perfect, I don't know that there are a better pair of loving, caring, God fearing people…

With that.. I close this disjointed serious of words and thoughts.

I've experienced quite a bit since I began my adventure in Washington DC just over a week ago. I have experienced a memorial concert on the Capitol lawn with Colin Powell. I was privileged enough to spend the morning of Memorial Day at Arlington Cemetery with some of those that were the greatest of American Heroes. I've been to landmarks, had sushi with new friends, touched base with old ones, converted my roommate to macs! I found a very cool church, (thanks to Jon Kelley), and have an internship that is the opportunity of a life time. And yet, with all this, it was a 10 minute situation that occurred today that has impacted me more than the sum total of the rest.

I was leaving breakfast today, as I do every Sunday after church, (or at least for the past two weeks and I walked by a gentleman who was asking for some change for a metro pass. My initial reaction was that of most people, I patted my pant pocket and simply stated "Sorry, no change." However, I couldn't got on. I stopped opened my wallet, hoping to find a dollar I could give this gentleman who was obviously in need of a kind gesture. When I couldn't find any small bills, and of course I wasn't going to give him a five (because we all know that "they" do with the money anyways) I again told him I was sorry, and put my wallet away. He took a step forward and asked if I could possibly buy him some coffee. I responded "definitely."

As he grabbed his belongings I noticed he had a old cassette boom box, so I asked him about it. He told me that he had experienced a difficult life, "seen how poor people live, and not like most people have seen, but REALLY POOR." He then went on to tell me about his dream, he want to buy some batteries and some cassettes and begin a audio journal of the experiences he has each day, the people he encounters, ultimately the life he lives. Once he gathers enough audio, we wants to gather enough money to have it transcribed. "240 pages worth, that'll make for a good amount. Then I'm gonna run as fast as I can to a publisher and have it printed."

What's interesting is that as I listened to the man I just met tell me about his vision or dream, I couldn't help but recall more fortunate people with smaller, less detailed dreams.

I went on to offer him some breakfast, he ordered a bacon, egg, and cheese biscuit. I couldn't help but notice the look of the employee as we waited for the biscuit to be prepared, initially it was disgust then then he looked perplexed.

As we were checking out the gentleman asked if he could grab a yogurt parfait. "It's healthy, keep me going strong," he said. I couldn't help but smile.

As we walked to his table, I shook his hand and told him, "God Bless." He grasped my hand and said the same. As I left the gentleman there to eat his breakfast and walked to the metro, I my mind raced back to two separate instances. The first, was a documentary I had seen not to long ago. It was of the Invisible Children in Uganda, and ended with one of the children asking that their story not be forgotten. The second was of my friend Emily who traveled to Africa last summer to help terminal AIDS patients. I recall her telling me about the pictures she had taken and how she relives the experience and the memories of that time, and how they spur her on... For some reason I had my camera with me, so I ran back to the gentleman and asked if I could take a picture with him... "So I won't forget this morning," I said. "If you promise to send me a copy," he replied. And so we took our picture. After the picture, he told me he made a face, because in studying portraits, one should try to convey how they feel in side.

His name is Arthur Callum. If anyone comes across this and one day you feel like you've had a rough day, I encourage you to write Arthur, he can receive mail at the following address:

Arthur Callum c/o Beans and Bread Outreach Center
402 S. Bond St. Baltimore, MD 21201

RECAP
What if everyday, we attempted to do just one thing that perplexed those around us?
What if for one moment each day, we stopped thinking and started acting?
What if for one moment each day, we took all of our talk about human worth and dignity, about equality, love, kindness, and creating a more "decent" world... and what if for one moment, we put it into practice?